Spawn's Hell - Jokes

Spawn's Hell - Jokes - War Jokes

War Jokes

Lately I have been getting a lot of jokes aimed towards the war. I thought I'd share them with you. Remember if you have any jokes or just want to comment on them, send me an email or post a message in the message board. If you do submit a joke I'll credit you with the submittal.

To conquer or concur?

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

Late Night Comedy

"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral." -David Letterman

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president." -Jay Leno

"According to military analysts, an invasion of Iraq by U.S. forces could cost between $20 and $50 billion. The Pentagon announced that it would offset those costs by referring to it as the Verizon Wireless/Pizza Hut War Against Iraq." -Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

Hit TV Shows in Iraq

Top Ten Perks Of Being Saddam Hussein's Stepson

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel
9. People never refer to you as "The crazy one in the family"
8. On weekends, you get to bring home weapons of mass destruction
7. Don't want to clean your room? Threaten to tell the United States dad's exact location
6. Play your cards right and in 10 years you'll be torturing the Iraqi people
5. Unique chance to observe a tyrannical madman up close
4. Big inheritance when U.S. troops finally kill your stepfather
3. Father-son bonding over 3am prank calls to U.N. weapons inspectors
2. You can get first pick of the police auction's seized and repossessed camels
1. Get to call Bin Laden "Uncle Osama"

Disarming Saddam

All of Saddam's body doubles were called to a meeting. Then, one man stood up and told them "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that Saddam survived the bunker bombing. The bad news is...he lost an arm."

Saddam Hybrid

Q: What do you get when you cross Saddam and a potato?
A: A dicktater

Saddam and His Chauffeur

Saddam Hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.

Saddam tells his driver: "Go to the farm over there and explain to the owner of the pig what happened."

One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other.

"What happened to you?" He asks.

"Well, the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me a bottle of wine, and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me."

"My God! What did you tell them?" asked President Hussein.

The driver answered: "Good evening. I am Saddam Hussein's chauffeur and I have just killed the pig."

French's Mustard

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:

"We, at the French's Company, wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow"